officialunitedstates:

me:  goes to lowes

lowes man:  how can I help you son

me:  first of all I am not your son.  second of all im only here because I love the thick stench of wood fibers and industrial chemicals

(via swarnpert)

lil-jawn:

Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child

(Source: javeliner, via swarnpert)

gameboy-sp:

"Honey, I’m leaving you for Poussey”

image

(via whoaitsjasmine)